Action figures were like crack to kids grouping up in the 80’s and 90’s, and I was overwhelmingly addicted. M.A.S.K., Transformers, Ninja Turtles, I had them all. For a time, Batman was a part of my growing
army collection. Before the Bruce Timm cartoon, all I knew about the character came from the Tim Burton movie. The first series of actions I had was of the standard affair, Batman, Joker, Bob the Goon. But soon more and more figures were released. Despite my young age, I knew something wasn’t right. Here’s the 5 strangest Batman figures I owned (of only Batman, if I branched into other characters, this list would get crazy). These toys were the antithesis of the character.
Note: All of my research of this article was done on LegionsofGotham.org, an amazing site for everything Batman. And I do mean everything.
5. Tec-Shield Batman
Remember that scene when Michael Keaton’s Batman faced of against Jack Nicholson’s Joker and he needed to upgrade his armor to include gold plating and wield that crazy shield? Me either.
4. Powerwing Batman
I want to know what circumstances lead to Bruce inventing this Goblin esque glider that may or may not shoot fire, and why he needed to color code his suit accordingly.
3. Cyborg Batman
Alfred: “Master Bruce, I’m afraid you’ve become horribly injured and disfigured. It is beyond my army field medic training to help you. You’re missing a leg, and an eye.”
Bruce: “No Alfred my old friend. My crusade is not over. I can be rebuilt. We have the technology.We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic Batman.”
2. Glacier Shield Batman
If this costume is used to do anything other than fight Mr. Freeze, I’m going to be pissed. Summer wear this is not. Maybe this should be called Global Warming Batman.
1. Spline Cape Batman
I’m not going to lie, I had to look up the definition of spline. Some sort of mechanical shaft contraption. Still doesn’t explain the bronze armor or what said cape does. And why is he bowlegged? That spline weighing him down?
I forgot which of these figures exactly made me stop asking for more Batman toys. Probably Cyborg Batman. I remember seeing the toys on the shelves, observing how increasingly ridiculous they became. Honorable mentions for not making the list include Thunder Kick Batman and Dark Warrior Batman. I give the creators props for imagination.
Did you own any of these monstrosities? Remember any other ridiculous ones? Comment below!
Don’t even get me started on this.