Kids have bad taste. I know because I was one. Now that I have children of my own, I see the nonsense they like, and I’m subjected to. This made me reflect on some of the garbage I forced my parents to watch (we had one television, and a small house). Let it be known, I am not proud of this list.
5. Street Fighter (1994)
I’ve always loved video games. Video games outside of that medium have never fared well. Case in point, Street Fighter. By this point I was a little older and should have known better. Starting Jean Claude Van Damme, Ming-Na, Kylie Minogue, and Raul Julia, this piece of garbage was an insult. Look at the cast photo, enough said. What makes it worse is this was Julia’s last film before he died.
4. Surf Ninjas (1993)
It’s been years since I’ve seen this but I really want to re-watch to see how awful it is. It has Rob Schneider. Going further, one of the characters notices his Sega Game Gear matches and controls the happenings around him. Does anyone even remember what a Game Gear is? I think I liked this because it had Ninjas in the title.
3. Mac and Me (1988)
This E.T. clone is just a commercial for McDonalds. As a fat kid, I unabashedly loved McDonalds. I feel bad for making my mother take me to see this in theaters. This one is frightening, I don’t want to watch this one again. Just look at how creepy he is. Ick.
2. Super Mario Bros. (1993)
I can admit that I never really liked this movie. I did watch it many times in my youth, but I was trying to convince myself that I enjoyed it (I didn’t). My favorite part was the third act when they finally donned their iconic look. Even then, meh. I didn’t think we’d get another movie like this, or a better one, unless I liked this one. I didn’t understand things when I was younger.
1. The Wizard (1989)
Why did I rank this #1? I actually wore out my VHS copy. This was a movie about video games! It culminated in a massive reveal for Super Mario Bros. 3. I still have no idea how that kid, autistic or not, figured out in a brand new game the secret warp. Regardless, I wholeheartedly loved this movie, watching it repeatedly. I feel a little guilty. Not as bad as I did with Mac and Me though.
This is my list, embarrassing as it may be. I’m sure I’ll think of other horrors given some time. As soon as I do, you’ll be the first person I tell.
“I love the Power Glove. It’s so bad.”