Let’s file this one under nonsense…. should make that a category. Anyways, I recently taught my grandmother how to use Netflix on the Xbox 360. Trust me, this was a feat in and of itself. The random nonsense I see her watching is awe inducing. For those of you who haven’t had the honor of meeting my grandmother, her favorite movie genres include World War II, ’80’s action (Predator, Expendables), and horror (pretty much all of it). She’s also 79.
I come home the other day to see here starting a new movie she discovered, The Dead Undead. Let’s judge a book by it’s cover. On a scale of 1 – Michael Jackson, how bad do you think a movie with such a title would be? Full disclosure, I saw 4 different random scenes amounting to about 5 minutes of footage. I still feel educated enough to review this movie without even googling it.
An early scene showcased some amazing thespians in a motel while some chick screamed her head off about a dead mouse or something. I don’t know. I was watching Venture Bros. About 30 minutes later, I turned back to see some sepia toned scene of an all out medieval fantasy battle. People were running around in chain mail with swords and shields decapitating each other. I thought she was watching some Uwe Boll garbage. Nope, same movie.
Fast forward 20 minutes (I took a shower), and there’s guys with AK’s and tactical vests running around some modern day neighborhood. I was assured this was still the same movie. But it gets better. I was later informed that the guys with guns are vampires that came into town to kill the zombies! I think I wrote this script when I was 12.
The last scene I witnessed before retiring for the night had a western setting, using the same sepia only cameras. Some vampire cowboy was riding a horse around town and everything looked brown.
I imagine the movie was pitched as combining horror, fantasy, western, and military action. That’s like mixing chocolate, steak, and salsa and hoping for the best.
I give this movie 3 chest bumps out of backwards hats. I’m willing the bet that last sentence made more sense than the movie.
Can anyone recommend anything better on Netflix? Better yet, anything worse? Comment below!
A flamingo can only eat when it’s head is upside down.